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Somehow I think you're reading today...for Z... w4m Forgive me CL for this re-posting but my romantic heart has gotten the best of me today and is insisting I give it a go... Though it was 15 years ago, I still remember my first love fondly (though he likely remembers me with another f-word -- haps followed by a b-word). He showed me what it meant to be admired and adored, and most importantly, what it felt like to be accepted, for everything that I was and everything I might possibly be. He was a kind and magical soul -- one like none I had ever met and he made me want to be the best I could be, not just with him but with every person I met, and every moment that I lived. Love with him was just. . .easy. I was too young and inexperienced to know how rare and precious he was and how unique our connection. While I loved him in return, I was guilty of believing that something so simple, so easy, must also be abundant. And so I did what many of us do when something is freely given and easily obtained, I took it for granted. Despite the ridiculous downs and amazing ups of my life, the rights and the lefts, and the generally awesome time I have had, some of it pain, and some of it wonder, this remains my only regret. I still wonder what he's doing (though I hear woodworking is his art de jour...it was always something - saxo, drumming, theater) and if he ever thinks of me. I dream of the day he looks up at the stars and forgives my youthful transgressions, and longs for me the way I long for him. I even leave my number listed in hopes that he will one day get inspired to find me. Is this sad, or is it hopeful? Is it pathetic or romantic? But who can forget a man so amazing? One who was always up for something new, something extravagant. A road trip to Charleston while we pleasure each other unabashedly? Yep, he was in! Run up to Winston-Salem for a concert with friends and dancing like there was no tomorrow and no one watching? For sure! Making love in the rain during a hurricane (even though we got a bad case of chiggers from it)? Let's do it! Smoking a cigar with a stranger in bar to celebrate our first year together? Puff, puff, pass! Quite simply, he was the one. The one we all look for, and the one I shamefully let slip through my fingers. I miss him dearly. Not a day has passed where I have not thought of his beautiful smile and the many nights we made love. Not a moment in my life has been as significant as the time I spent with him. I keep hoping that one day... So dearest, this is a long shot, but so was everything else about us. I hope you are browsing, wishing, remembering. I hope you know, no matter what else, you are loved. You were then, you have always been, and you will always be...gold to me.