year of highschool. Techniy, the third wasn't suicide, but what do you getting drunk and stoned and passing out on the train tracks? I didn't get angry, I despaired. Losing them, on top of other things in my life (PTSD, being queer and not knowing, family school issues) I became suicidal myself. That website with the weigh scales that silliness posted showing how suicidal thoughts arise when your situation surpasses your coping abilities is a great visual. That's exactly it. I not stand in judgement of someone who is suicidal or who has committed suicide because I've been there, and it's not for me to judge. A fourth friend, that same month, snapped and sent his back-pack sailing through the windows at the library, seized up the glass and went running into the woods. He did this in front of all of us, we all survived our friend's deaths, and yes, that was an incredibly self-centered thing to do. We had all suffered the losses of our friends, and who the hell was he to increase OUR burdens by pulling that kind of shit in front of us? From one point of view you can say it was so selfish of him to choose to act on his suicidal impulses in front of all his friends who had already lost friends. But he also did it in front of people who saved him. Two of the guys chased after him, took a beating (he was a black belt) but ultimately subdued him enough for the paramedics to arrive. He was hospitalized for several weeks after that, and he did injure us all in attempting to kill himself. You can't harm yourself without harming the people who care for you. This goes for people destroying themselves slowly though substance, repeatedly hooking up with abusive partners by NOT seeking the help you need you are not just harming yourself, but everyone who cares. And the people you hurt are going to react in different ways. 2roma, you are not the only person in the world who has ever despaired.
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