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But I don't think finding him drunk once at 14 is the end of the world. It also does not indicate that he is alcohol. If it happening more frequently or his behavior is such that it indicates some sort of substance problem, than counseling is something to explore. If on the other hand he was at a party and had a few beers, he is being 14 and should simply suffer the consequences of that action. No going out, phone, computer, friends, etc. for a few weeks. With my older 2 as they went through the teenage years they went through of the problems that all teens face. I worried about them more because their father had just been in has accident (motorcycle wreck, left him damaged). and they messed up more than normal. They were angry at the world for taking their Dad from them. I tried to take them to counseling and they told me point blank that they didn't want counseling and then they would even lie to the counselor, which made it a huge waste of time and money. It really depends on the kid. What my needed were firm and predictable consequences for their actions. They needed me to stop yelling, arguing and wringing my hands about every little mistake, and focus on the biggies. They needed me to listen to them and validate their feelings while reminding them that acting out because of emotions have consequences. They needed me once again to come in and say good night to them every night, like I used to when they were little so that they had a minute of my time in case there was anything on their mind. Sometimes when one seemed to be struggling, I would get a sitter and we would go on a car trip. No real destination, just time to chill out and talk and connect. No lecturing. You can be a parent and set boundaries and still make yourself available to your teenager as a confidante. Now they are barely out of their teenage years, no, no drinking, both working everyday, and they talk to me about everything. They know I never judge them, or not them and they know that I always be there for them. It is a very special bond that came from us struggling through a very difficult time together and never giving up on each other.

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