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I have always believed in love at first sight. I have dreamt of her a hundred times. . .always the same. Not the dream, but the woman. I have spent years looking for her in malls, supermarkets, airplanes and even dating websites. Hoping that one day she would just appear and I would know it was her. A couple of times I have thought I found her. . .wanted to find her. But it was not her. I am older now and life and it's responsibilities have gotten in the way of so many dreams. But still I look. I am now reaching the age where a person begins to think of growing old alone. Wondering if it is time to give up on "foolish dreams", but then I watch all of the people in my life who have settled. In relationships because they are safe, it is better than being alone. I hear the words in their conversations, but he is a "good man" or she is a "great mom" but never what I would expect to hear if it was the one they had waited for. There is no passion. No lust for life. No anticipation of the next time they would hear their mates voice or dread at the thought of never hearing it again. For just a moment, shut your eyes, imagine your world without your spouse, partner, lover, mate in it. Now, go past the grief of loss. We are all feel loss. But what was the deeper feeling? Was it emptiness or relief? Was there the twinge of excitement anticipating what comes next, all of the dreams that are no longer just out of your grasp? A thought of all of the things you could become? Now let's insert reality. Single again in your meal alone and not enjoyed it as much as Golden Corral with my friends and family. Life is not about what you have as much as it is about what you do with what you have. Maybe the happiness that eludes you is finding peace where you are? Putting the past to bed and moving forward cherishing the things that really matter. Suddenly the world will be a much better place and your children will mirror your values as they grow up. They are little sponges. They listen to the details and read emotions when you talk. If you disrespect people in front of your children and talk about what you "deserve" don't be shocked when you see them turn out just like YOU! If you self-medicate through alcohol or drugs then don't be surprised when they do too. Last but not least. . .if you are single and have children. Whether you have custody or not, be part of their lives in a positive way. Make sure they are taken care of, they did not ask to become your children but you (whether intentional or not) took overt action that resulted in their birth. The least you can do is be part of their lives and make sure they are taken care of. If your spouse or ex trash talks and your children repeat it. . .FORGIVE IT! Someday your children will grow up and see the world for what it is and will know you for the person you really are. That means they will also know your ex for what they are. I have always been willing to wait for that and so far. . .it is worth the wait. My child has shown on amazing ability to be her own person. Which, at the end of the day, is all that I have ever wanted for her. She has shown an ability to forgive my mistakes and see me for who I am and I can live with that. Notice throughout this I have not asked for a date. It is because I presume I will find the right woman when God is ready. Until then, my job is to move forward on day at a time and be the best person I can be. |
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