Sounds like it's time to ask yourself (and her) some tough questions. Here are a few that come to mind. Have you talked about the problem with HER directly? If not, try to avoid making assumptions. Talk about sex before, during, after. If talking about sex is too uncomfortable then maybe you're not ready to be vulnerable with each other and she won't feel free to let go. Have you been able to please previous GFs? If she's been able to come with other women, but not with you, then there's something getting in the way ask yourselves if you really are sexually compatible or not. Do you actually like being the top/giver during sex? If not, examine your own needs/limits and be with her because she can probably sense any lack of interest. Do you have a safe and private space where you can have sex? If not then she could be holding back for fear of being heard or something. Is there any substance use/- by your GF? If she relys on these things they can effect her ability to come. Do you ever have sex with the lights on? If not, and this is too scary to do, then ask yourselves if there are body-image issues. Does she have any history of? If so, it might take extra care to navigate around her issues but she has to be willing to tell you about them. How do you two define your relationship in general (casual or something more LT possible)? If you don't want the same things maybe there's an emotional road block. Does she know about your "kinks" and do you know about hers? Most everybody has something they like sexually (and consider to be a little out of the ordinary) letting a partner in on it can be very exciting and, who knows, maybe that's what she's been waiting to do. Have you tried going to a women-friendly sex shop for candid advice and exploring toys. Go together, it could be enlightening! Have you both had closure with past relationships? If not then that's added pressure. Good luck figuring it all out.
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